Saturday, 30 June 2018

I Tried 6 Days of Social Media Detox

Please submit your phones and let's talk!


Yes, indeed I tried 6 days without social media. 
As a girl that can't missed the updates from the pop culture, I admit I can't keep myself from social media. I don't want to missed updates from my favourite game, my favourite bands, my favourite authors, my favourite actors, upcoming films, upcoming cultural trends, and so on. Then, after so many days, I feel like my mood swing is very very very dangerous yet confusing whenever I opened my social media accounts.

whenever I gathered with my friends or my family, I scrolled down my social media feeds instead of initiating or even participating in a conversation. I found the "other world" was so much better than whatever happened in the present and I think that this is dangerous. I said to myself : there it is, you're addicted to social media. 

So, for instance, after I logged in, scroll here and there on my Instagram account, checking on people's stories - I feel mad for no reason. I feel stressed out. Furthermore, when I logged in on my Twitter, I feel like I want to throw my tantrum with no reason at all. Oh, I also feel soooo anxious whenever I logged in my social media accounts. I also feel exhausted with the feeling that I really have to checking out my accounts everytime, although I don't have to - I follow my guts to checking in my accounts and it's really exhausting. I tried to resist by doing my job, crocheting, reading or things - I always find a way to opened my social media accounts.  

What makes it worse is : loneliness. Although I have a lot of "friends" on my social media, I feel like I draw myself out from the people that I cared about in the real life. I feel this whenever I gathered with my friends or my family, I scrolled down my social media feeds instead of initiating  or even participating a conversation. I found the "other world" was so much better than whatever happened in the present and I think that this is dangerous. I said to myself : there it is, you're addicted to social media. 

I learned to be "present" after I do Yoga so many times. So if I can be "present" during my yoga session, why can't I do that in my everyday routine? I mean, if you waste your time to be sucked into a virtual world, what about your real world? What memories that you are going to cherish later? 

Without long debates with myself, I decided to be away from social media in order to reconnect with my inner peace and getting myself together in the midst of my busy city life. I announced on all of my social media accounts that I have to take some time to be offline (although some friends were missed the memo and DMed me on Instagram a lot hahaha), approximately for a week or more until Ant-Man and The Wasp released, which is July 5 or July 6.  Then, I remembered about my good 'ol university assignment : we have to give a report about three days without Internet. Inspired by this assignment, I re-enact the same thing. But of course, I don't need to submit this to my professor :D  

THUSSS, I jot down some fragments about my feelings on my diary. So, I re-write it to make a nice paragraph (and comprehensive for you) and here's the report for you! 

 Day 1 - June 22, 2018 : I still have to sneakily opened my secret Instagram account and opened my Twitter via web without login. On the other hand, during the whole morning, I fully concentrated on both of my jobs : teaching and writing - which is unusual. 

 • Day 2 - June 23, 2018 : I have to go to Malang. I need to check things about my friend that is going to stay in the same hotel (she took over the whole check in thing so I have to make sure), so, I need to login and check her Instagram story. Then, I logged out as soon as I can. Furthermore, there's also a slight uneasy when I got my new My Chemical Romance's killjoys t-shirt and I need to update it. But hey, I resisted it and I enjoyed the whole trip until I reached Malang.


But hey, as you can see above, me and my sister were totally being silly in repping our favourite band's t-shirt. We take a lot of pictures - but we're not uploading it right away. We're just taking pictures (and tons of weird funny pictures that I'm not going to upload of cOurse hahah).



Is it a habit to have the urge to share our lives since the social media era came? There's also this feeling to take pictures of everything, in order to share it. Instead of sharing your time with strangers on Internet, why don't you share your time for yourself and loved ones? 


 Day 3 - June 24, 2018 : Once I woke up, I straight to went for swimming and this time, I totally forgot about my phone. I didn't even remember where my phone was! When I was swimming, I totally enjoy the time - I didn't even have some anxiety to update. I felt so free for the first time. Although I'm slightly jealous when somebody took her phone with her in the pool and updating her story but I'm fine because hey, I'm not even worrying about my phone slides from my hand and get into the water? :D



I was totally enjoying my trip to Malang. I feel free that I don't need to care about what others do today and I completely forgot that I missed the updates about Sebastian Stan in Comic Con (I just remembered when I wrote this blog post though!). Anyway, when I waited something, instead of checking my phone, I resuming my crochet project and that's my sister sneakily taking pics of me when I crochetted!

I'M FREE AND I CROCHETTED!!!
 • Day 4 - June 25, 2018 : Again, the first thing that I did in the morning was not checking on my phone. I rolled out from bed - for real. After Yoga, working on some articles, and doing house chores, I finished season three of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D - yas! I wasn't bugged by popped up notifications of my social media and so on and I managed to finish it!

Then, I made a new journal template called "TV series tracker" to track which episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D that I left off. Oh! I also didn't complain on Twitter about my suck Wi-Fi connection and complaining about some bugs on my HOOQ account. About the bug, I solved that myself :D

 • Day 5 - June 26, 2018 : I still not checking on my phone as the first thing that I did in the morning. I also really focusing on more socializing and teaching. When I was waiting for the student to finish the task, I crochetted instead of scrolling on my social media accounts.

When the day was done, I have a short walk around the neighborhood with my sister and instead tweeting about my day, I told her about my day. Then, during the night, it's time to refreshing! (because tomorrow's the election day aka holiday!) I watched My Chemical Romance MTV World Stage without updating things - so I'm pretty much enjoyed it until finished without bothered by the urge to update. I also finished watching Every Day (I've been waiting for this movie because I LOVED the book! But ugh, the film isn't that mesmerizing) and Love, Simon. These are movies that I've been looking forward to watch but I don't have enough time. And I also finished TWO LONG ROWS of my crochet!
However... I sneakily check about Gerard Way, Frank Iero, and Mikey Way's updates from my sister's Instagram. 

 •  Day 6 - June 27, 2018 : I'm in fact TOO lazy to checking on my phone. The thoughts of having my social media back tomorrow got me so anxious. I don't want to feel sad or even anxious or even jealous when I see somebody's updates. Because we are all good in fiction - that's what I've learned from Jack Harries speech in the DO Lectures.


And during this day, I recognizing the urge to upload things. I upload something on WhatsApp stories. 


In conclusion, is it a habit to have the urge to share our lives since the social media era came? There's also this feeling to take pictures of everything, in order to share it. Instead of sharing your time with strangers on Internet, why don't you share your time for yourself and loved ones? 

Log out, see the world, and be present. 


log out and go for a swim! 



Today, I have my social media accounts back and I realized, I... need to uninstall it again because it's totally stressed me out :D



I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

Love love,
-Aya


Note : I supposed to do the Social Media Detox for about a week. But I miscalculate the days on my diary so... I actually want to resume the Social Media Detox though but I have a lot of things on mind about my #BeatThePlastic project. So, please anticipate it on my Instagram!

Monday, 2 April 2018

Be a hero for yourself : Me & The Slow Life

Whoa, it's April already. I wasn't write anything for four months? But here I am, hello! 
Here it is, another essay from me about what happened lately and it's pretty knowledgeable for me. Enjoy! (Oh and also enjoy some of my writing pieces in Inspirasi Pagi and Infotografi, it's on the "featured on" tab!)

slow but sure... wins the race. That's why I always buy The Rabbit and The Turtle race bed time story. 

People from my school days and university days always know me as a girl with a monthly planner and super duper noisy playlist on my MP3 player (Spotify was available in Indonesia back in 2016, which was my last year in university), starts from alternative rock until electronic pop dance music. People say I walked fast, I eat fast, I do my work fast, I like people help me do things fast, and I even liked fast food. I have bucket list, monthly goals, and even planned my future really carefully. 

I was too focus about the "destination", and I realized that I wasn't enjoying what's good from the "journey". I was neglecting my own happiness, my own wellbeing, I mean, me. I was too focus about what I'm about and was achieved in order to make people around me think that I have succeeded.


I feel like this life rythm was pretty exhausting. I was too focus about the "destination", and I realized that I wasn't enjoying what's good from the "journey". I was neglecting my own happiness, my own wellbeing, I mean, me. I was too focus about what I'm about and was achieved in order to make people around me think that I have succeeded. As a result, I keep beating myself. I hated my face because it is like an "acne farm" (this is exaggerating but I used to call my face like that), I don't have time for exercising, and this was lead to an abundant of health problems : started from simply easily running out of breath although it's merely walking around campus, Bacterial gastroenteritis, endless migraine, a very suffering cramp during my period, I was anxious a lot, and ocassionally fainted. I let my hair long and long because I can hide behind it, not because it symbolized freedom. I hide behind it, seriously. I hide behind my pink lipstick and my super cool outfit that I learned from these tumblr girls trend although I pretty much didn't enjoy it. Side note : the grunge girl with rock music was not me, I didn't enjoy it. Being emo and sad everytime wasn't me, being weak and emo when I got my broken heart back in 2015 was just... something that I enjoyed. Then, I tried to learn about Yoga during my last university year and trying to be more confident in t-shirt and jeans (which is more comfortable than anything. Especially when it comes to some classes that didn't require you to wear shoes a.k.a lab classes where I can wear my sandals hehe), and I found this.... pretty exciting. 

When I graduated, I'm still doing yoga and more into t-shirt and jeans. I also started to enjoying music that's been good for me : k-pop, some ballads, jazz, chillwave, experimental R&B, and of course and forever, EDM (MADEON!). My first job wasn't stressful and so fun and I learned a lot (and thank you, Oost!). But still, although I learned about how I synch my soul and my physical body and respecting my own body (I also started to do facial treatment), it wasn't change anything about my life rythm. I'm still goal-oriented as f and tried so hard to get something that I TRULLY WANT (I won't telling you what is it but when I'm ready, I'm going to tell you what it is). I wanted a more stable job, I wanted my #1 goal to happen in 2016 or 2017, I wanted to go to South Korea sooner... ah, too many goals and I end up wasting my 2016 by chasing and focus on what I should achieve.

In 2017, this was the peak. I was jobless and still too focused on my #1 goal. I still had this life rythm and started to have this "demon" that stayed on my back. I was depressed. I failed to reach my #1 goal, jobless, and penniless. Although I had a good experience to speak what I knew in a national lexicography conference held by Ministry of Education and Culture on August, after that, my life was pretty much ruined. I still have this "demon". This demon won't go, in fact, it was come and go. I can't cry, I laughed but I feel like I wasn't happy, I laughed to hide. I didn't want to see my friends, even my best friends. I often left my phones in silent mode, I didn't want to read again, I didn't want to immerse into photography again, I didn't want to take any pictures or videos, I just don't want to do things. All I did was sleeping until I hit 16 hours of sleeping. 

I kept telling myself that life is not about achieving, but learning. Of course, learning means patiently learn things and accepting that actually we don't know a lot of things about how this universe works. By learning, we can start loosened our grip and try to enjoy life and accept things.


In September 2017, I slowly recovered by working in the biggest book sale for three weeks. Although it requires speed and pretty strict rules, I was having a good time. I met a lot of new faces, new perspectives, and pretty much creative in order to break the rules hahaha. However, after three weeks passed, my demon was coming back. I was confused and this depression was clinging into my skin again. By November, I met new faces again by working in a K-pop stall bazaar. Although these people were older than me, surrounded by them made me feel positive again. I was having a good time and started to do exercise again. I started to listen to Madeon again and I admit, I was feel alive again. On December 2017, I'm okay. Although I'm having rough times to settle down in my new job, I'm okay. 

I recovered slowly until today. Although it's hard to settle down in my job, I had to accept things slowly. I left HIIT exercise since I had severe back pain (and I merely chasing my goal to have toned legs and abs HAHA) and started doing yoga again for becoming healthier. I started crochetted again, I started read books again, I write again, I take a lot of pretty pictures again, I write my journals again. I planned to loosened my grip this year by enjoying my freelance jobs (I took two jobs hehehe) and resuming my journey to achieve my #1 goal later. I started to enjoy my precious time to be alone and contemplating things, I walked a lot and enjoying the sun, I didn't force myself to reach my goals. I learned a lot. I start cherish myself, listened more to my body and soul. I had some skincare rituals (thank you, Zendaya!), started eating healthy, I often go out without makeup and just wearing t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of sandals, did anything slowly but sure. I kept telling myself that life is not about achieving, but learning. Of course, learning means patiently learn things and accepting that actually we don't know a lot of things about how this universe works. By learning, we can start loosened our grip and try to enjoy life and accept things. Every morning, be grateful that you're still here, listened to your own breath. Be grateful that you're still here, listening to the rainfalls or even the warmth of the sun, how peaceful the moon and stars... be grateful. 

By waiting and patience, I believe that someday you will have thing that you really want soon. Believe me, it will be all worth-it. It's called "delayed gratification". I found this video of cutie Tom Hiddleston and cutie Cookie Monster few days ago here and ah... it's a self-reflection, I guess :D



well, who knows you can contemplating about your life from Sesame Street character? 

the blonde streaks! which... accidentally twinning Sebastian Stan hehe. pic by nabilahprd

And with this whole new confidence and perspective, I decided to try something new. I dared myself to cut my hair short and dyed it with lighter colour. I went to a pretty cheap salon in the neighborhood and did it. Although it's kind of bit scary to think about the bleach, I finally give my hair some highlights (and I have no idea that it almost looks like Sebastian Stan's hair in here! and yes, I'm so into him). Although chemical may harm my hair, but don't worry, I know how to give my hair some love. I admit this is the most ballsy makeover that I ever did but I... like it. By learning, instead of achieving, I feel like I'm more believe in myself. I feel prettier than ever, I feel stronger (and weak at the same time, I'm a human!) than ever. Although I never let people ruined my life and that means I don't want to hear whatever people say about my new look, but my friends even showered me with some loves about my new look. I'm loved and worth-it *hugs myself*

love love from me and my wrinkle white shirt pic by nabilahprd
Although this post is about becoming a hero for myself, this whole journey won't be succeded without help from my beautiful people (remember, you can seek help from others ). So, thank you, everyone that has believe in me and helps this little Aya to believe in herself. Enjoy your life, accept things although it's not pretty, and take things slowly - don't be in a hurry! 


Love love,
-Aya


P.S: I've created a Spotify playlist to pumped up everyday and a friendly reminder that you're a hero and a friend for yourself named POWER PLAYLIST! It's pretty worked for me to be happy and give a little magic for myself to finish my work like a boss. It consists of happy k-pop tunes, badass tunes like Beyonce, k-hiphop tunes, Kesha's "Woman" that keeps me happy, Britney Spears, Spice Girls' "Wannabe", until JKT48! It's mostly by girls but it's for anyone that needs some sweets and caffeine kicks everyday. Enjoy and let me know what you think!